Sunday, February 25, 2007

Free Birth Control

I walked into Babies 'R' Us for the first time in my life to buy the first shower gift in my life...and here too, THE FIRST TIME ALWAYS HURTS.

Squinting from the pain of the sensory overload, I was able to make out:
*Playpens set up like Rolling Stones tour buses
*Seats looking like dentist chairs
*BORED fathers
*BORED children
*Determined mothers with a twinkle of former bridezilla in their eyes
*Japanese rice cookers moonlighting as bottle warmers
*Sad baby clothes needing a prozac prescription to make them cheery
*Bibs and onesies reading, "My First St. Patty's Day!" complete with dumb, green leprechaun hat to top the poor, defenseless being's head who is celebrating the inebriated ADULT holiday

My declaration to my future offspring: I will never dress you up like a creepy old Irish man. You have my word.

And with that I can also declare, thanks to Babies 'R' Us, I will not be dressing any offspring anytime soon. And this is coming from a girl that has been stating her desire to be "barefoot and pregnant"...

Thanks for the FREE birth control Babies 'R' Us!

So, question: Will I get vericose veins now from keeping my legs crossed?

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