Adoption...So last season!

Me: Natalie is a proud mommy! She gave birth to Andrew on April 6th.
6lbs 4oz. Full head of brown hair with blond highlights!

Tawni: I CANT BELIEVE IT! FIRST NATALIE...THEN JENN...YOU AND I, WE
HAVE EACH OTHER

Me: Shall we adopt?

Tawni: LETS :) WHICH COUNTRY DO YOU PREFER?

Me: This is so fun! How about England. I love British accents!

Tawni: AMEN!

Me: I'll pick up the shower invites

Tawni: Yes...I'll order the stripper...oh wait...wrong
shower...Aw...who the hell cares :)

Me: In that case, can we have the shower next Friday night?

Tawni: Seriously :)

Immaculate Conception

I am carrying Seth Myers' baby.

Shower invites soon to follow.

Free Birth Control

I walked into Babies 'R' Us for the first time in my life to buy the first shower gift in my life...and here too, THE FIRST TIME ALWAYS HURTS.

Squinting from the pain of the sensory overload, I was able to make out:
*Playpens set up like Rolling Stones tour buses
*Seats looking like dentist chairs
*BORED fathers
*BORED children
*Determined mothers with a twinkle of former bridezilla in their eyes
*Japanese rice cookers moonlighting as bottle warmers
*Sad baby clothes needing a prozac prescription to make them cheery
*Bibs and onesies reading, "My First St. Patty's Day!" complete with dumb, green leprechaun hat to top the poor, defenseless being's head who is celebrating the inebriated ADULT holiday

My declaration to my future offspring: I will never dress you up like a creepy old Irish man. You have my word.

And with that I can also declare, thanks to Babies 'R' Us, I will not be dressing any offspring anytime soon. And this is coming from a girl that has been stating her desire to be "barefoot and pregnant"...

Thanks for the FREE birth control Babies 'R' Us!

So, question: Will I get vericose veins now from keeping my legs crossed?